Headspace is a weird thing…..isn’t it ?

So we have all experienced it, there you are, happy and smiling. Life is good and you think everything is fine. At this stage you are very unaware of the questions and thoughts that are coming and why would you, nothing is forcing you to look at anything.

An then it happens and sometimes it starts like gentle rain, a soft question, i wonder type of thing and other times it just lands on you like a ton of bricks and all of a sudden, nothing makes sense and you can’t believe that you so confused and caught off gaurd by what just happened.

For those of you who know me you will know that i am doing what people say is the most stressful thing a person can do, i am Moving house. Not in a normal way people move house, i am selling up everything i own right down to my knives and forks and i am packing my car and driving to Cape Town to move into a furnished place there. I have ben very lucky to get a awesome place to stay that in 3 weeks i will be calling home.

But it doesn’t stop there as if that is not stressful enough i am moving cities too and starting a new big pressure job. All in 3 weeks , plus i am getting my life here in JHB together and making sure everybody is going to be able to carry on running things with me not so much involved anymore.

So at this point i do want to make it clear that i do understand that there is a lot to be grateful for and that there is a lot to look forward to and that its going to be awesome experience etc etc.

But i have been having real trouble with getting my head to sit still at the moment. So i start to think and if you don’t know me very well i tend to be a heavy thinker and get very deep which some people can’t handle too well so i try and not do it very often because you never actually find answers in most cases anyway.

But i have been feeling really weird and scared, so i am just putting it out there and anxious as well. Now i know this isn’t normally like me so it concerns me and i start to try and figure out why it is and i guess it’s also the reasons why moving house is the most stressful thing you can do. I mean your home or the place you live is your safe place, in most cases its your escape from the harsh reality of what the world sometimes is. Its normally a place of love that you share with somebody, its a place of memories, its you, your furniture, your clothes, the place you lay your head to sleep at night and rest.

Now imagine that is all taken away. Just for 1 sec stop reading and imagine waking up in a completly new place, new everything, even new city. It’s a pretty scary thing to be experiencing and the worst thing is that i am not even there yet. You see i am in the ” middle ” phase where JHB isnt home anymore but i am still here and Cape Town isn’t home yet either.

So you take away a person’s safe place and comforts and all of a sudden you start to question everything, i haven’t slept well in a few weeks and every now and then i get that feeling where you just want to run and run and run until you cant run anymore and not even sure in which direction. Like you want to peel away the skin from your body.

Like i said, it’s weird isn’t.

I’m very lucky enough to have some awesome people in my life and so i have put forward a few questions and i am going to be spending some time with them and getting different points of views. The one thing i have also learnt is that i am bad at asking for help. I also don’t share enough and i keep everything inside and try and always figure it out myself.

So i am going to for the first time, sit down on the floor with probably a good glass of wine in my hand and going to start to work through the things that are bothering me and let go of all that bottled up emotions and feelings that i have floating around inside my head. If you are reading this and feeling a little uneasy inside yourself, i urge you to do the same. I was recently reminded of how short life is and how we need to make it count, which i intend to do, but i think you need to have a plan. Don’t just rush into this new year and make the same mistakes as you did last year, take a minute to think about what you doing, who you are and what it is that you are trying to achieve.

I got this sent to me today and it spoke loud and clear, good luck to all of us out there just trying to get by the best we can, remember there aren’t any rights or wrongs only experiences and even the bad ones are apart of the reason we are who we are today.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s poem the invitation…

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

Good luck to us all and see you all in Cape Town soon.